doolally: mad, insane, eccentric

Etymology

Feeling low in the Dad-point category, I proposed a little geocaching this morning, on the most glorious November day in Indiana history. For a trial run, I took Alia and Abigail down the road about five minutes to our local cemetery. We looked around for a long time before finding the cache on the ground near where it was probably supposed to be hidden. Here's our victory shot:

During our brief visit to the Riley Festival in Greenfield, IN I saw this sign. Hmmmm, maybe this is a way to fund my IRA. I need some friends who are looking for cheap tattoos who will let me practice on them. Any takers? 

Almond: n. ( am mund ) Tasty tree born nut, raised with love and care by the Blue Diamond folks n Modesto, California. 

Torturellini: n. Food based on tortellini, but so spicy it burns your mouth.

Here's the story: Ann had some leftover cheese tortellini that she wisely planned to warm up for the kids' lunch. The kids, who normally are decent eaters, didn't express over the top enthusiasm for the menu. But once Ann had added a left over jar of spaghetti sauce, covered the whole thing with mozzarella, put it under the broiler to get bubbly, and it's lovely aroma began to fill the kitchen, five little hearts took notice. Now it was all, "I'll have it." "Smells great." "Is it ready yet." You know the drill.
 
So Ann pulled it out and gave Alia the first serving. She piled a fork full and popped it in her mouth. As soon as the fork undocked from her face, she began to yell, squeal, dance about, cry, and through a mouthful of tortellini scream, "It's spicy! AAAHHhhhhh! It's burning my mouth." Bit's of pasta flicked and dribbled from her scorched tongue.
 
After unsuccessfully trying to convince Alia to settle down because there was no way the tortellini could be spicy, Ann began to investigate. Turned out that the spaghetti sauce was in fact chili paste, left over from a dinner weeks ago in which the main dish was sufficiently seasoned by a single teaspoon! The pasta was tentatively sampled by the other kids who quickly reached consensus that it was inedible.
 
Hearing this account upon my return home from work, I redubbed the food Torturelini, diluted the spiciness wtih a big can of certified spaghetti sauce and finished it for my lunch of the next two days.

Joke   Insurance

Silver Crime n.-Offenses committed by the elderly. Usage: " a group of well to do pensioners who lost their savings in the credit crunch staged an arthritic revenge attack and held their terrified financial advisers to ransom in the latest example of what is being dubbed 'silver crime'- the violent backlash of pensioners who feel cheated by the world". -- Times of London, June 24, 2009